I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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