i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
