Betty ford says i'm here all night
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
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herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
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Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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