I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
