theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
