I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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