I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
