I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
