So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
one might say we're banned from that church
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
