During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize