his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
50% drunk capacity currently
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
