I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
