I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
