if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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