we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
