I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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