it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
