Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
