We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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