I wish my penis had an off switch
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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