I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
