haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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