Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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