he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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