im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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