Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
