he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
birth control should be required to get into college
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
