just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
