Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Randomize
