sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
