OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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