Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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