I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
