I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
