If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize