is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Randomize
