i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
