she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
