frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
