So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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