That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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