Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
