I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I could make wine with my vomit
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
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I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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