She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
