Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
