Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
