haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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