I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize