I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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