Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
