Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
