I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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