When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
