How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
