even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
