Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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