this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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