I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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