Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You're a disaster
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