guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
