chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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