i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
