I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
