i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
