just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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