I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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