Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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