she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
