i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
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She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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