my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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