Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
