I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You are a genius and a whore.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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