nutella sex= disaster
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
