what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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