sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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