No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
