She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
