you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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