My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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