hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
