Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm like, not good at living.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
