Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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