Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
40s are totally the cure
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
