I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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