Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
