i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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