How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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